I realize I'm a little late on this, but oh well. I tend to celebrate holidays when it's more convenient, anyway. Mostly I just wanted to say that I <3 this country, whether I'm in the military or not. I feel very lucky to live in a country where at least we know our votes get counted, whether the person we voted for wins or not; where we have the luxury to worry about things like carbon emissions; where if a political figure goes missing, it's not because he was kidnapped, tortured, and killed for dissention; and where his Argentine sex-capades and the death of a singer with only one glove are apparently the biggest things we have to worry about.
I also wanted to shamelessly steal my friend Amber's lovely video that she made for the occasion to celebrate and honor the people who fought to win us this independence, and the people to continue to fight for it. And this is her blog about working with Soldiers' Angels, where this video is also posted.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
And now for something completely different
(AKA introspection) (AKA mushy emotional crap, because I can)
Because I'm sure the entire Internet is waiting, breathless with anticipation, to know how I'm feeling about waiting and doing nothing. Truly, this is a blessed day.
But honestly, I mostly just wanted to record so I can look back at it later with mild interest. Also, in case someone in my same situation happens to stumble randomly across my blog and think, "I wonder if she's feeling the same way I am? She is? That's comforting." Also, in case my family's reading and were wondering. Also, because I'm a little egotistical and there's something very satisfying about updating your blog.
On with the show...
So right now, I'm pretty much in limbo. I've passed all my tests, which is vastly comforting, and I've sworn in, which means I'm more or less committed and I get to put a sticker on my car. I know I'm signed up to be a "cryptologic linguist" (1N3XX), and since this is a "critically manned" field (which basically means that they don't have enough people for this job since a) the school is super hard-core, and b) people tend to not reenlist so they can make three times as much working for the CIA), I'd say my odds are pretty good that they'll follow through and let me do that.
The hard part is waiting for an open spot, which is where I am right now. They don't seem to have too much trouble filling the school (DLI) ; they just have a hard time graduating people from it and then keeping them enlisted. So it's really hard to say right now when I'll actually get to ship out, since the recruiters never know when they'll get a spot, and linguist spots don't seem to come up very often. But the most frustrating part isn't so much the waiting; it's the not knowing how long I'm going to wait. I'm pretty comfy in my holding pattern right now: go to work, hang out with people, take occasional trips, work out. I don't feel as worried about money, cause I know that at some point pretty soon, I'm going to have a steady paycheck (which looks like it will go up to almost $1700 a month as an E-3, not including my lump-sum bonus and monthly bonus for being a linguist; and $1700 is way more than I make monthly now, not including the $500 I take out for rent), which means that I just pretty much have to make my money stretch till I ship out, which shouldn't be a problem at all since I'm still working.
The problem is that since I don't have any idea when I'm leaving, I can't really start planning. And I like planning. Even though I know it's way early, I want to start figuring out what to do with all my stuff, what to do with my car, what will the weather be like when I get to California, and all kinds of mundane details. Not that not having a date has stopped me from starting the planning process. I've already started looking into military discounts on portable storage containers and considering what kind of car I might want to get when I get to Cali. Not having a date just makes planning harder and more frustrating. At least I know that I'll be ready when the time comes.
Anyway, back to positivity. That's pretty much where I like to be anyway. Regardless of the waiting, I am very excited to be doing this. I realize that I could get there and figure out I've made a terrible mistake and that this isn't for me at all, but honestly, I don't think that's going to happen. Okay, after basic, I don't think that will happen. I expect to feel entirely befuddled and out of my depth and disheartened and generally cry-y while I'm at basic. Also, exhausted and in pain. But I also think that as long as I know that going in, I'll probably be okay. And I just think of that as the price to get to all the rest of it. Not to mention that basic is the primary source of all that badassery I'm looking forward to possessing. I know from years of experience that just sitting in a classroom does not, in any way, make you feel hardcore. Ever. Crawling under barbed wire at 5 in the morning and learning how to calculate the trajectory of an airborne missile, however, probably do. I'm guessing.
I'm also still feeling very confident in my decision to join, actually more confident than I think I've ever felt about a decision before. Again, I do recognize that I'm saying all this on this side of basic, but right now, joining feels very...right? It seems very much like the correct thing for me to do. I always loved all the language classes I took, and I did better in those classes than in any others, including my English classes. Though I've also realized that even if I had studied languages in college and gotten my degree, the odds are that I'd still be in the same position I'm in now with my English degree, unable to find a job that doesn't involve teaching. And what better way to use languages than helping to protect my country? With a super-cool top-secret security clearance? And then whenever I did so well on my tests at MEPS, that just felt like a confirmation, that yes, I am where I'm supposed to be.
And actually, my job-searching is what gave me the idea to enlist in the first place, something I had never considered doing before. I remember one morning on my way to work, I was thinking about my job-hunting and how generally unsuccessful it had been, even though I felt like I was doing nothing but applying for jobs. I had been thinking a little about the military, but not in any serious way. So while I was feeling generally disheartened by my lack of career prospects, I did something that I admit, I don't do very often. I prayed. I asked for some kind of guidance on at least what direction I should be heading. Yes, I even asked for a sign. And then I forgot about it. Later, I was browsing Monster.com, which by then I hated doing. I started by looking at editing positions. I looked at every available editing position in the country (not an exaggeration), and I applied for seven of them. This was not unusual. Then I looked up photography jobs, something that I would prefer doing over editing, even though I don't have the skill, training, or equipment for it. I clicked the search button, and (again, not exaggerating) up popped 100 entries (literally) for the US Navy. This, too, wasn't terribly unusual. Except that the site wouldn't let me load the next page, even though it said there were more pages to be looked at. So I tried the search again. Again, I could only see 100 Navy positions, and it wouldn't load the next page. I tried it one more time, and again, the same thing. So, for argument's sake, I tried searching for jobs in translation, something I knew I'd love to do, but I way didn't have the training for. And again, when I hit search, up came 100 jobs with the Navy, and I couldn't get to any other entries. Three times. Also, this was the first time I'd been on Monster since my little plea to God for a road map. Now, do I think God was speaking to me through a job site? I honestly don't know. Not necessarily, but I also don't see any reason why he shouldn't, and you have to admit, that's a little weird. So regardless of whether it was a deity or a bug in the Internets and I'm just superstitious, that was when I really started seriously considering the military, and since then, I've only gotten more excited and more resolved that it was the correct thing for me.
So now, I'm pretty much excited and ready to go. It will suck to leave family and friends and Chris, but I also know that part is gonna happen, regardless. Not to sound like propaganda, but I do feel like this is me starting my life, at least my life as an independent adult, and since that's what I've been trying to do for the last year, I'm pretty much ready to get on that. Not to mention that I'm genuinely excited about what I'm going to be doing. If I weren't, I wouldn't be doing this. But I've been realizing that the only classes from college that I miss (besides the darkroom) are my language classes, and I really do miss them. So I'm ready to see what language I'll be learning, and I'm ready to start learning it.
My mom recently asked me if I had any reservations about joining. Well, what she actually said was, "You don't have any reservations at all, do you?" The way she said it surprised me, because I hadn't realized I was coming across quite that confidently. I do have reservations. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle basic. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle tech school. I'm scared that I'll get in there and end up hating it. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the military lifestyle. I'm scared they will end up sending me into the middle of the desert with the ginormous spiders, and I'm scared that something will happen to me there. And I imagine I'm going to become even more scared of these things the closer I get to leaving. I am legitimately concerned about all of these things, but a) I have thoroughly researched every one of these concerns, and I truly don't believe they'll end up coming true, and b) more importantly, I don't want to let my fear of what's unfamiliar keep me from doing something that could end up being really great. I was nervous before I started college, too, and that ended up being wonderful. So, while I do have worries, mostly I think it could be pretty great, and I'm excited to see what happens.
Because I'm sure the entire Internet is waiting, breathless with anticipation, to know how I'm feeling about waiting and doing nothing. Truly, this is a blessed day.
But honestly, I mostly just wanted to record so I can look back at it later with mild interest. Also, in case someone in my same situation happens to stumble randomly across my blog and think, "I wonder if she's feeling the same way I am? She is? That's comforting." Also, in case my family's reading and were wondering. Also, because I'm a little egotistical and there's something very satisfying about updating your blog.
On with the show...
So right now, I'm pretty much in limbo. I've passed all my tests, which is vastly comforting, and I've sworn in, which means I'm more or less committed and I get to put a sticker on my car. I know I'm signed up to be a "cryptologic linguist" (1N3XX), and since this is a "critically manned" field (which basically means that they don't have enough people for this job since a) the school is super hard-core, and b) people tend to not reenlist so they can make three times as much working for the CIA), I'd say my odds are pretty good that they'll follow through and let me do that.
The hard part is waiting for an open spot, which is where I am right now. They don't seem to have too much trouble filling the school (DLI) ; they just have a hard time graduating people from it and then keeping them enlisted. So it's really hard to say right now when I'll actually get to ship out, since the recruiters never know when they'll get a spot, and linguist spots don't seem to come up very often. But the most frustrating part isn't so much the waiting; it's the not knowing how long I'm going to wait. I'm pretty comfy in my holding pattern right now: go to work, hang out with people, take occasional trips, work out. I don't feel as worried about money, cause I know that at some point pretty soon, I'm going to have a steady paycheck (which looks like it will go up to almost $1700 a month as an E-3, not including my lump-sum bonus and monthly bonus for being a linguist; and $1700 is way more than I make monthly now, not including the $500 I take out for rent), which means that I just pretty much have to make my money stretch till I ship out, which shouldn't be a problem at all since I'm still working.
The problem is that since I don't have any idea when I'm leaving, I can't really start planning. And I like planning. Even though I know it's way early, I want to start figuring out what to do with all my stuff, what to do with my car, what will the weather be like when I get to California, and all kinds of mundane details. Not that not having a date has stopped me from starting the planning process. I've already started looking into military discounts on portable storage containers and considering what kind of car I might want to get when I get to Cali. Not having a date just makes planning harder and more frustrating. At least I know that I'll be ready when the time comes.
Anyway, back to positivity. That's pretty much where I like to be anyway. Regardless of the waiting, I am very excited to be doing this. I realize that I could get there and figure out I've made a terrible mistake and that this isn't for me at all, but honestly, I don't think that's going to happen. Okay, after basic, I don't think that will happen. I expect to feel entirely befuddled and out of my depth and disheartened and generally cry-y while I'm at basic. Also, exhausted and in pain. But I also think that as long as I know that going in, I'll probably be okay. And I just think of that as the price to get to all the rest of it. Not to mention that basic is the primary source of all that badassery I'm looking forward to possessing. I know from years of experience that just sitting in a classroom does not, in any way, make you feel hardcore. Ever. Crawling under barbed wire at 5 in the morning and learning how to calculate the trajectory of an airborne missile, however, probably do. I'm guessing.
I'm also still feeling very confident in my decision to join, actually more confident than I think I've ever felt about a decision before. Again, I do recognize that I'm saying all this on this side of basic, but right now, joining feels very...right? It seems very much like the correct thing for me to do. I always loved all the language classes I took, and I did better in those classes than in any others, including my English classes. Though I've also realized that even if I had studied languages in college and gotten my degree, the odds are that I'd still be in the same position I'm in now with my English degree, unable to find a job that doesn't involve teaching. And what better way to use languages than helping to protect my country? With a super-cool top-secret security clearance? And then whenever I did so well on my tests at MEPS, that just felt like a confirmation, that yes, I am where I'm supposed to be.
And actually, my job-searching is what gave me the idea to enlist in the first place, something I had never considered doing before. I remember one morning on my way to work, I was thinking about my job-hunting and how generally unsuccessful it had been, even though I felt like I was doing nothing but applying for jobs. I had been thinking a little about the military, but not in any serious way. So while I was feeling generally disheartened by my lack of career prospects, I did something that I admit, I don't do very often. I prayed. I asked for some kind of guidance on at least what direction I should be heading. Yes, I even asked for a sign. And then I forgot about it. Later, I was browsing Monster.com, which by then I hated doing. I started by looking at editing positions. I looked at every available editing position in the country (not an exaggeration), and I applied for seven of them. This was not unusual. Then I looked up photography jobs, something that I would prefer doing over editing, even though I don't have the skill, training, or equipment for it. I clicked the search button, and (again, not exaggerating) up popped 100 entries (literally) for the US Navy. This, too, wasn't terribly unusual. Except that the site wouldn't let me load the next page, even though it said there were more pages to be looked at. So I tried the search again. Again, I could only see 100 Navy positions, and it wouldn't load the next page. I tried it one more time, and again, the same thing. So, for argument's sake, I tried searching for jobs in translation, something I knew I'd love to do, but I way didn't have the training for. And again, when I hit search, up came 100 jobs with the Navy, and I couldn't get to any other entries. Three times. Also, this was the first time I'd been on Monster since my little plea to God for a road map. Now, do I think God was speaking to me through a job site? I honestly don't know. Not necessarily, but I also don't see any reason why he shouldn't, and you have to admit, that's a little weird. So regardless of whether it was a deity or a bug in the Internets and I'm just superstitious, that was when I really started seriously considering the military, and since then, I've only gotten more excited and more resolved that it was the correct thing for me.
So now, I'm pretty much excited and ready to go. It will suck to leave family and friends and Chris, but I also know that part is gonna happen, regardless. Not to sound like propaganda, but I do feel like this is me starting my life, at least my life as an independent adult, and since that's what I've been trying to do for the last year, I'm pretty much ready to get on that. Not to mention that I'm genuinely excited about what I'm going to be doing. If I weren't, I wouldn't be doing this. But I've been realizing that the only classes from college that I miss (besides the darkroom) are my language classes, and I really do miss them. So I'm ready to see what language I'll be learning, and I'm ready to start learning it.
My mom recently asked me if I had any reservations about joining. Well, what she actually said was, "You don't have any reservations at all, do you?" The way she said it surprised me, because I hadn't realized I was coming across quite that confidently. I do have reservations. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle basic. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle tech school. I'm scared that I'll get in there and end up hating it. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the military lifestyle. I'm scared they will end up sending me into the middle of the desert with the ginormous spiders, and I'm scared that something will happen to me there. And I imagine I'm going to become even more scared of these things the closer I get to leaving. I am legitimately concerned about all of these things, but a) I have thoroughly researched every one of these concerns, and I truly don't believe they'll end up coming true, and b) more importantly, I don't want to let my fear of what's unfamiliar keep me from doing something that could end up being really great. I was nervous before I started college, too, and that ended up being wonderful. So, while I do have worries, mostly I think it could be pretty great, and I'm excited to see what happens.
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